How Can I Stop Being a People Pleaser?

If You’d like to listen to this article in audio form please click here.

Have you recently come to realize that you are a people pleaser? Don’t worry. This is a common revelation. But now that you’ve realized you are a people pleaser, it’s time to stop being one for your own health and sanity.

Below are some ways you can learn to stop being a people pleaser.

Set Boundaries

The most important step to stopping your people-pleasing ways is to establish boundaries in your relationships. Of course, different relationships will have different boundaries, but they need to be there regardless. For example, if your significant other asks you to do something extra because they have a busy week ahead, this might be okay, but if your friend does this all the time, it might be time to draw the line.

Take Small Steps

Chances are, you aren’t going to stop being a people pleaser overnight. Being a people pleaser has probably been ingrained in your mind since you were young. Therefore, you should start small instead of changing everything at once. To begin with, you can set some simple boundaries that shouldn’t offend anyone. For example, let someone know you aren’t available during work hours.

Set Goals For Yourself

It’s important, as you stop being a people pleaser, that you have a clear direction for yourself to stop from sliding back into your people-pleasing ways. You should make goals of who you want to devote your time to and what you want to accomplish in life. It is common for people-pleasers to feel as if they need to please their parents to the point where they neglect their romantic relationships. If this sounds like you, your goal should be to devote more of your time to your significant other and less to your parents.

Engage in Positive Self-Talk

People pleasers feel good about themselves when they do something nice for someone else, and as you leave your people-pleasing ways, you will likely be missing this positive reinforcement. This is why you need to create it for yourself. Every time you establish a boundary and keep it, tell yourself you did a good job and that you are doing something good for yourself—because it may not feel as good as people-pleasing does at first.

Overall, the road to leaving your people-pleasing ways isn’t going to be without struggle. But if you use the above tips, you’ll find that you are actually enjoying doing something for yourself rather than people-pleasing all the time. Before you know it, your people-pleasing days will be nothing but a distant memory.

-The Beautiful Nerd